Emotionally Charged Environments In The Home

Domestic problems create the most emotionally charged environments imaginable. Heartaches foster situations in which people tend to "react," instead of logically acting. When problems arise, we must always keep the glory of God in mind, for a dim light in our lives reflects upon our Father (Mt. 5:14-16). It gives us pause to think that how we live might cause the word of God —and God Himself—to be blasphemed (Tit. 2:4-5).

Older women are to train younger women to love their husbands. This may be puzzling. Is it not natural for wives to have love (Greek: phileo - "tender affection") for their husbands? Remember, Titus was in Crete when Paul wrote to him (Tit. 1:1). Paul quotes an ancient poet, likely Epimenides (William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, Philadelphia, PA, The Westminster Press, 1960, p.276-278). . "Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, idle gluttons." These Cretans had a barbaric, pagan background whose bent was self-service, violence, dishonesty and materialism. Even the idolatrous Greeks condemned the Cretans. They coined a word, kretizo which meant "to cretanize," or double deal and lie. So an understanding of common Cretan culture (Tit. 1:12) enlightens us as to why this training was so necessary.

Is it not likewise needed in our culture, with our constant exposure to a godless, wicked, and materialistic society? The foremost method of that training for girls ought to be in the manner of life they see in their mothers and grandmothers as they are reared. But many young women in the church have not been tutored in the womanly art of home-making, which is more than cooking and cleaning. In contrast, what they have witnessed are materialistic and self-centered examples, even by some Christian mothers. Immaturity regarding responsibilities has festered into resentment, which often develops into moodiness or depression. Women are hounded by the arrogant feminist movement which is blind to the value of biblical male/female roles.

"For a marriage to withstand the pressures of a secular society, a couple must know and practice what God, the creator of marriage, has to say about it."

Not every Christian home has allowed the sensibility (Gk: sober-minded Tit. 2:5) of God's word to saturate daily actions. It is common-place for women to engage in "male-bashing." It may be the "kill-me-with-sweetness" subtle type, or it may be bold, in-your-face ugliness. Whatever the manifestation, it is wrong. We must rid ourselves of the type of unholy, adversarial attitudes that abound in so many modern homes. "For a marriage to withstand the pressures of a secular society, a couple must know and practice what God, the creator of marriage, has to say about it" (Cleaveland and Philip McDonald, Creating A Successful Christian Marriage, Grand Rapids, MI, Baker Book House, 1994, pg.34.

We Can Have Control Over Our Feelings.

We are to love our husbands. It is interesting that we are commanded to have tender feelings for our spouses, which underscores the fact that we can have control over our feelings. Many have bought into the idea that our feelings are always a result of what has happened to us. Some women justify their surly dispositions because they are not married to perfect men! It is past time that we go back to the principle that wives and mothers set much of the tone in the home.

Why Some Husbands Do Not Want To Come Home.

Kindness, purity, submissiveness, being keepers of the home are God-given responsibilities that we women have. Our vocation should be making our dwelling places havens for our mates and our children (Tit. 2:5). Surely, we can see that a man—who is to be the primary breadwinner—should be able to come home to a peaceful, loving environment. Why some do not want to come home is no wonder! They know there will be no loving arms, warm meal, or peace there. Rather, there will be pouting, manipulation, nagging complaints, or a demandingly long to-do list. Kindness commands polite requests for needs, instead of expectations of mind-reading!

Notice that the instruction is not that these attitudes and good deeds are to be rendered only to a strong Christian mate. Peter helps us understand that our behaviors must reflect godliness—even before an unbelieving husband (1 Pet. 3:12). If Christian bondservants were to show honor toward their masters (1 Tim. 6:1; Tit. 2:9-10), we must demonstrate nothing less toward our mates.

Some Marriages Are Not Salvageable.

There is no excuse for a man abusing his wife. Husbands are instructed by inspiration to nurture and tenderly cherish their wives (Eph. 5:25-29). Likewise, there is no excuse for a man committing adultery. In dire circumstances, there are scriptural remedies (1 Cor. 7:10-15; Mt. 19:3-9). Some marriages are not salvageable because of a promiscuous mate. A spouse may have turned his heart so far from God that there is not an ounce of sincerity or repentance left in him. Parental feuds contribute to many young people turning their backs upon the Lord. However, if more wives were determined to live godly in their homes, more marriages might be saved. Then fewer children would grow up to be blasphemers, and unsaved mates might obey Christ.

Our Goal Is Not Simply To Be Happy.

Can each of us declare before our God that we habitually treat our husbands as our dearly beloved, with tender, loving care. Do we seek to please him in every way reasonably possible? Do we really give our best to making our marriages work? The Lord Jesus stated that giving will incur blessings more than we can hold (Lk. 6:38). This is not to say that every mate can be won to Christ, or even to being a pleasant person. But blessings will surely flow in some manner to the person who does all that can be done to have a happy home. The question is: Do we have the grit and courage to try? It isn't easy to be good to an unspiritual, surly, and thoughtless individual, be it spouse or friend. But it is the principled thing to do. Our goal is not simply to be happy, but to help others get to heaven, especially those who know us best.

God is not willing that any should perish in eternal damnation. He gave the ultimate sacrifice of his holy Son. What godly sacrifices are we willing make for the sake of our family members? Paul urged the Corinthian brethren to "quit you like men" (ASV) or as the English Standard Version has it, "act like men." The meaning is: grow up, don't act like children! Oh, that we would take that to heart, and gird (or clothe) ourselves with the humility needed to get outside ourselves and live for others. (1 Pet. 5:5)

No Nation Has Survived The Disintegration Of The Family.

The late brother, Mac Layton, in 1992, observed that the divorce rate had increased 700% since the Civil War, and that 14.2 million children do not live with their parents (The Victory, Oklahoma City, OK, Grace Publications, 1992, p. 115). These figures most likely are higher today. No nation has survived the disintegration of the family. History bears this out. Christians must be concerned. We must work at providing our spouses and children with the best environment we possibly can. Our hearts need reminded that the home is God-designed for propagating the gospel—not only in our families, but throughout the world.

Good Marriages Are Possible.

The world needs to see that happiness and enduring marriages are not an illusive dream. Good marriages are possible. The home can be a place of refuge where we bear one another's burdens with patience, encouragement, and forgiveness. Good homes will help us grow in our service to the Lord as we travel to that heavenly home. May our Father bless our homes to His glory.

See Wayne Jackson, Marriage, As Designed By God

Comments may be sent to bjackson@chrisitancourier.com.