Do you remember the day you held your firstborn in your arms? I do. Though it was forty-two years ago, June 25, 1963, it seems such a short time ago. She was a beautiful dark haired baby. Though she is now a grown woman with children of her own, moments of awe and tenderness overwhelm me. My admiration has grown from the tender love of a mother, to one of adoration because of the good and honest heart that Joy has. She is a good Christian mother, eager to please God in her role as queen of her home.

The Greatest Responsibility

Without a doubt, the greatest responsibility a mother will ever shoulder is that of training her offspring. Though fathers, as heads of families, bear a great burden in leading the family, mothers must acknowledge that it is they who spend the most time with their children during those early formative years. If there are some things awry, mothers must look inward, and with honest reflection ask themselves what they are doing that may lead their children down the road of destruction, or on the narrow road to eternal life.

The Bible stresses the responsibility of parents to train and chasten their children (Eph. 6:4), just as our loving Father chastens us to produce righteousness in our lives (Heb. 12:5-12). To neglect this responsibility is a sin against one’s children. We are taught in Proverbs 22:6 that a child is to be trained “in the way he should go.” The footnote in the ASV suggests that the translation could be “according to his way.” Some scholars believe that this phrase refers to the unique traits of each child. Temperament and varying ages of children determine proper methods of discipline. This article will focus upon the training of little children (preschool).

Jesus taught that unless we become like little children we will not enter the kingdom of heaven (Mark 10:13-16). Young children are characterized by the humble desire to learn and to please their parents. When they are corrected calmly, consistently, and lovingly, they usually comply.

Building A Loving Bond

Building a loving bond during preschool years is of utmost importance. Babies and toddlers need to be lavished with expressions of love—hugs, kisses, cuddle-time, and lots of praise. Positive reinforcement (smiles, praise, pats of approval, etc.) is effective, especially for young children. In this cold society we need to learn how to love our children (Titus 2:4).

As babies begin to explore the house, they should learn what “no” means. Because they do not understand, they may cry out of frustration. Distracting and removing them from danger, or certain un-removable valuables, is part of educating. If absolutely necessary, a light tap on the hand will help train. However, an all-out spanking violates Ephesians 6:4, for babies have but a few months of experience. Repetition is sometimes called “the mother of learning.” Experience is gained by repetition. A baby will throw things to the floor, begging for his toys to be picked up so that he can repeat this little game. He is learning that things always fall down or that there is a law of gravity. Repetition is much fun!

Repetition In Training

Repetition and consistency in training are absolutely necessary. We must understand that allowing a behavior one day, only to blow up about it the next day, is totally confusing and cruel. Training a child involves great self-discipline and determination by parents. Distractions can often draw us away from the task of following through a training process. When we fail to follow through, some training does take place. But it is the training of disobedience. “Mom or Dad must not really mean for me to do what they say, because they didn’t really seem to care that I did what I was told not to do!” Are you training your children to disobey?

As toddlers become increasingly aware of their own wills, they will likely develop a negative phase. Part of this occurs during speech development. There is a lot of frustration in trying to verbally express desires. Little children may be difficult to handle during this time. But they must learn to obey. Stubborn disobedience or being disrespectful to Mommy and Daddy must consistently bring unpleasant consequences. “Time-out” is fine; but if, upon direction, the older toddler is persistent in back-talk, whining, crying, or disobedience—a memorable event needs to occur. A spanking (not a beating) is in order. For the love of children, we must consistently discipline and chastise with wisdom, learning the “ways” of a child. There are good books that are helpful in learning about the typical characteristics of different aged children. However, carefully choose your materials, for some books contain ideas that are not biblical.

Train Children To Listen

Train your children to listen to you. Busy little toddlers may need their names called a couple of times. You may have to raise your voice above the noise of play to be heard. But begin training your young children to respond to you at your first beckoning without having to yell or threaten. If you train your child to respond only to your loud, angry voice, you will do that the rest of their growing-up years. Such is a wearisome thing. If the child will not stop what he is doing upon your call, go get him. You may frequently need to lead him by the hand to do what you have requested. Talk to him about responding when you call him. If you have to call again in the next few minutes, and he does not come, stronger measures must be taken. As he grows older, the rule ought to be that he responds to you when you call, without all the explanations to him about how he is to respond. He will know what is expected of him. And he will be aware that there are consequences when he does not appropriately respond.

Some may ask: “Should I spank?” “And how should I spank?” Or: “When should I spank?” One may voice concern: “When I spank, I lose control and become too rough with my child.” First, we need to understand that spanking is biblical. There are numerous Old Testament passages instructing parents in corporal discipline (Prov. 13:24, 22:15). The New Testament implies it in Ephesians 6:4 and Hebrews 12:9. We must focus upon what the "punishment" is intended to accomplish. When your main aim is to simply recompense the child for his misdeeds, you fall short of the ultimate purpose. If you are merely teaching your child, “Mommy gets angry when I do that, so I will obey,” the child is learning only that you get mad when certain things occur. But when you calmly explain to the child, without excess lecturing, that you love him, and that he must learn to listen and obey, you will eventually, with repeated incidents (even consecutive incidents), teach that child the lesson of listening and obeying, and not simply that Mommy gets mad.

If a spanking is in order, you should consciously pre-determine the number of swats required for the immediate circumstances, and how hard they need to be (certainly the age of the child should be considered). Remember your own strength, and that the child you are disciplining is little. One mild swat will be enough the get the child’s attention. If you are angry, send the child to his room or to a specified place for a few minutes until you calm down. Some children require minimal correction; others are more stubborn and may need a few more swats. Two important points need to be made: when you encounter your child with any form of discipline, you must win. It is not about who is bigger, it is a matter of teaching respect for authority. Spanking should be the last resort. Being overly harsh is not good. A properly administered spanking is a much more effective tool than control by anger.

A good start in early life toward being obedient will help the years that follow to be easier. A youngster who learns early on that he must obey will become a pleasure to live with, rather than a tyrant who rules the roost! Parenthood is not for the weak-hearted. We must say, as Paul did, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:13-14).

We must not be hesitant in how we train our children. We can be sure we are doing the right things, if we are applying biblical principles. We must take courage that we can do this job! The reward is so wonderful; it produces “peaceable fruit” (Heb. 12:11)!

Related Articles:

By Jason Jackson:

Building Character Before The Concrete Sets http://www.christiancourier.com/penpoints/buildingCharacter.htm

Will Our Children Trust in the Lord? http://www.christiancourier.com/penpoints/willChildrenTrustLord.htm

Who’s The Boss? http://www.christiancourier.com/penpoints/whosTheBoss.htm

Parent’s Obey Your Father http://www.christiancourier.com/penpoints/parentsObeyYourFather.htm